Measuring perfection

We all fall short of the glory of God because of sin. Many a time, we compare because we think others are better than us or vice versa but we fail to realise how insignificant our differences are as compared to the perfection of God the father. The presence of a concept like infinity in mathematics has already resulted in the impossibility of using inequalities as and when we want - this is indeed the situation in life. We think of the faults and failures done to us but we do not realise how God the father has forgiven us of all sins and that we should follow suit so as to exemplify God's perfect love. Lord, help me to forgive - I know by forgiving, I'm releasing everything to you so that you will take control of everything. :)

If we measure any failures done toward us against perfection, they're so so insignificant.. sometimes i ask if im just consoling myself, rationalising without proper premises. i really dont know. perhaps i'll know soon.

State of dilemma

Dilemma, confusion.
I've never realised how the awareness of one's goals and identity truely matters.
This tool of prevention - bible.
The tool of protection - love.

It feels like I'm grasping at straws.
Jazz, syncopation - off beat yet in time.
Life - likened to a symphony of varied motifs.
Ku mau cinta Yesus Selamanya.

Jesus.

Lord, there's really alot of things I wanna do, I wanna say, I wanna make happen. But sometimes I wonder why u've planned my life in sucha way that it seems to be bringing me somewhere else. I know where it's going but I dont know for sure. The immense weight of the shakable elements of the earth seems too much to take.

I cannot take no for an answer.
I misuse my ability to conquer.
Everything seems to be faster.
I feel as if I'm matyred.

She seems to be punctuating my sentences.
He seems to be fabricating pretences.
I cannot work with my hands tied behind.
It somehow doesn't pay to be kind.

Liken myself to a bird.
A bird entrapped within. Oh Lord!
I know I have to rejoice,
a command rather than a choice.

Therefore in all times esp ones like these,
when confusion and deception starts to maime,
You, I will still choose to please,
Lord, Blessed be your name.

DA

It's amazing!

It's amazing. It's amazing how many thinkers and philosophers believe that the proof of our own existence is the fact that we THINK.

On careful consideration, thinking is the root of many of our so-called problem. We think, we rationalize and reason with ourselves about why things happen, what things mean, how should things be, only to feel worse than before.

You think in lit, u rationalize in KI. Things are supposed to be this way because of this, things are like that cos of that problem. Is it possible to actually comprehend everything with regards to the world around us? I dont think so. uggh. i used the word 'think' again.

Sophistication is what matters in lit and KI, but does it really matter for us in the world? Critical Thinking: breaking down arguments - what for? If you dont accept that things are 'just like that', are you trying to understand the ways of God? It's definitely impossible to fully KNOW what God has in plan for u. so what for try to do so?

Wonder when's life gonna be alright.

i really wonder.

Perfect Information

Random picture to start e post: that's life before JC haha. tt's a young Darryl there who's unaware of what LIFE really is. Now, i can say i've learnt alot in these 2 yrs.

Perfect info. This is the ideal 'thing' in economics. Something which is said to be non-existent in the real world. Why is that so? Sometimes I really wonder whether it's possible to avoid misunderstanding and miscommunication. Not that it happened to me recently, but wouldn't it be nice if someone truly knows how you feel? W/o long-winded explanation, it'll be cool if someone can just understand what you mean and what you want.

I guess that's something quite unachievable in the real world. Of course, "Cast all your cares on him, for he cares for you" is a promise from God which i hold on to dearly. He's someone who'll really satisfy anyone cos of the God-shaped hole in our lives. ha.

The missing piece of jigsaw can never be filled by another random piece because it is meant to be that way - just as how pple try to fill their lives with friends, love, parties, acheivements...etc, but in the end, it boils down to nothing. When life is reduced to its simplest terms, you will realise how insignificant you are. what really matters is the fact that you live your life according to the glory of God.

A non-christian or a skeptic might then think I'm bullshitting. So i guess for them, it's all abt knowing who you really are, just as how im trying to do so, cos God wants us to be aware of ourselves and not use blind faith to justify everything tht happens. We have to forge out a life on our own, that's wad our brains are for. LOL.

Who am I? Sometimes i wonder too. I really know what I wanna do with my whole life, but im unsure of what really matters to me at the very present moment. It puzzles me how it's impossible to really live life to the fullest because of externalities which are beyond our control, just as Greek characters in theatre are always subjected to forces beyond their control.

Im confused. hmm.

DA

Embrace Life

Sometimes I really wonder how and why things happen. Occasionally, it seems as though God isn't around at all although i've always been reminded, thru pple or even the holy spirit himself, that through it all, God is in control and he loves us. Looking back at my previous post, i realised what a fool i've been by ignoring God's words to me, going one big round ranting to myself and pple until I come back to sq 1, where i still have to heed the very words God gave me.

It's sometimes very amusing how wrong decisions made can cause you to detour, cause you pain and tears, just as how the israelites had to wonder around the wilderness for 40 years due to disobedience. Im sorry Lord for my disobedience. yup.

It has been a huge roller-coaster ride this year, with stuff in ODAC: big big projects etc, stuff in TSD: Prelims, A levels, groups, individual work etc, stuff in church..., and stuff elsewhere. Haha. I dont know whether I've grown, but I think i have. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure but I think i've this big problem with my pride. It's probably something that many face. It's the gravest of the 7 deadly sins as mentioned in the bible, probably because Lucifer (Satan) himself fell because of pride. He wanted to be like God. For me, I wanted to be the best in alot of things. I feel that I've not really lived my life for God and God alone.. I'm sorry God.

This is my new fav gospel song in church:

"This is my desire, to honour you.
Lord with all my heart, I worship you.
All I have within me, I give you praise.
All that I adore, is in you.

Lord I give you my heart,
I give you my soul,
I live for YOU alone.
Every breath that I take,
every moment I'm awake,
Lord have your way in me:)"


I really think humility is a virtue. The notion about taking "PRIDE" in your work is WRONG! You should take responsibility in your work but not PRIDE. At least that's what I think. I want pure humility, less of yourself darryl, more of others.

DA

No.

Heavy feet, sinking lungs, grieving heart.
Condescending eyes, intense stares.
Is it fate or is it Him?
Is it hate or is it love?

Soft or hard?
Heavy or light?
I hate these dichotomies.
Is paranoia's grip on it?

Empty words don't work on me.
Stop encouraging me.

-Da

stressed/

i am.

Mathematics

Im doing an essay on Math for KI. Sometimes questions asked in books including things like the existence of God and how hes the greatest mathematicians of all time - like how we can see math prevailing in NATURE:) haha. makes me think how MAGNIFICENT GOD is:)

My God is an awesome God, he reigns frm heaven above with wisdom, power and love, my God is an awesome God!!!!!!!

DA

KI is killing me!

Maybe u should look at the way God is help u man. haha the prompting of the holy spirit is ZAI. haha. im gonna be done with my IS by THIS week. must. haha. I will. and i will start mugging. I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me man.


Also, Psalms 139 rocks, God thinks of me alot.. hee.. :p

Da

It's 0315...

I finally realised that Knowledge and Inquiry is SO SO DIFFICULT! haha... I've been trying to type out my independent study since 11+... and now it's 4 hrs later and im still not done with my introduction. I will pray that God, you'll give me strength and wisdom man. I really cannot do this without u. KI, Im gonna own u. Though im still doing my intro, Im gonna do it well, and make sure my draft's out before this coming tue. So that I can focus on my other subjects, before coming back to do my 2nd and 3rd draft before consultatation next next wk. haha. Den i'll do another 2 drafts before handing it up for final submission. Darryl, all things work together for the good of those who love HIM. (the one up there:) )

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

LIFE

I really think life rocks with Jesus arnd. haha. really:)

Awesome!

Just a fruitful day! Spent like 6 whole hours at the national lib working on my KI Independent Study... Hahaha

I believe you'll see me through Lord, COS....


I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME! Phil 4:13
Life is beautiful, if you want it to be:)

Selfcentered?

Sometimes trying to hard may seem like a REALLY bad idea. Esp when the attempt backfires. haha. I ask myself "Why am I doing all these" But i usually find it really difficult to answer that question on my own.

Deep down inside of me, I dont know what I'm really feeling. haha. am i confused? or just. Am I plain selfish? That all i care is abt myself, and when i dont get wad i want, i bcome frustrated? haha. maybe.

I'm sorry. - to whom i might have been selfish to.

I'll try to change. I'll care more abt others.

Life is beautiful, if you want it to be.

I'm halfway through my lit essay, but why am I here blogging? I don't know. Sometimes in life, you cannot get answers for all your questions. Some things just will not make sense. But one thing I know, life is beautiful if you want it to be. It's all about perception. With the chaotic time in school, at home, and even at church now, I sometimes wonder how things might get better. Hypertension, friendship problems, studies like shit, things at church, things at home... it has come to a point when Im quite immune to whatever that comes my way alr. This doesn't sound good. Haa. but I guess, there is always a brighter side to life, the flip side of the coin, and in trials come perseverance, with perseverance come character, with character come hope. I know that Jesus, you'll always be there for me. I know that. and knowledge is JUSTIFIED TRUE BELIEF, so i used the word 'know' for a reason. I really trust that you'll see me through man. No matter wad, u're around.

Jesus, I will never let u go:)

Crazy week

God, help me to be able to get through this week unscathed. Sometimes I feel tt life is so ironic and unpredictable. is it really true? The paradoxical concept of 'being a friend'. ha.That's probably something I usually think of.

The surprise was unexpected, crucial and paradoxical too. (damn cool for 2/3's)

Really really wanna thank ODAC for the bday presents/cards and A12 for the card. hahah rocks man!

haha stop emo-ing, darryl. Wadeva la.. everything will soon be history? ha. i cant do tht la.. it's not abt letting go, but it's abt, doing wad i cant, stop caring abt whoever.

anw, if ure an ODAC-er or a victorian who knows my blog, pls kp the posts to urself yea. really need some place to channel out my angst... trust u:)

Please.

I really feel the immense stress. The mountains of workload don't seem to be the cause though. i really hope to be able to have the power to stop and control my emotions. anger, rejection, jealousy...all these can be easily contained. but i feel so hard to stop loving those who have hurt me. i wanna stop myself cos it's hurting me more n more whenever i realised they dont actually give a damn bout me. whatever la. im still damn upset bout jason..hai..

Im trying

sometimes i really dont know what to do. Theatre is life. that's absolutely true. the way im forced to act in front of pple. i cant be true, i cant be honest. Life literally pushes me to the limits in areas where im weak. AHSS...aiyah i doubt anyone in vjc knows this blog. so im gonna talk abt this in PROPER TERMS.

Jason, i really dont know why la. I can meet this kinda friend. I know it's not his fault
but im really at my wits ends. For alot of pple they just say it's freaking easy to let go of friendship, but i seriously treat him like my REALLY close friend. ok i treated him tht way
but what did i get? nothing. I got like BAD stuff in return. i really really dont know wad to do. why doesn't anyone appreciate me? why? why, LORD? pls help me LORD.arrrggggh, God please bless Jason, i really dont know but since, I love him so much as a close friend, yea, i just hope he's blessed la. God bless him..I really wanna forgive him la, for whatever he did. yea. cos he's my friend..

hai the thought of all these really makes me damn grrr....whatever la.

JC life.

Sometimes I just wonder what this is all about. It is almost impossible to realise or even visualise the dream that I always had for life. It's probably a significant problem that one will discover as soon as u step into a large institution, where things bcome superficial and probably everything u see is actually virtual rather than reality. Imagination and hope plays an important role here, where deception and falsehood can craft your minds, causing confusion and angst..

just b a nerd. studies+self-improvement. you'll find wad u wan elsewhr.