Sometimes I wonder if things will always remain the same. It's really difficult to believe how things would change. I know God will help me somehow or another but is it really true?
You know I wish I could just go around cursing and swearing, go clubbing whenever i want to, drink till I feel so shiok... I wanna just play n play and join the ''havoc'' in this world. It is really infuriating. REALLY infuriating how ministries can become a burden. and how I can be influenced by army. so much so that I really. really. feel so guilty. double life.
haha.... Darryl swears in the army. oh my gosh. how true. I hate being in a position where I cannot make mistakes, where im actually forced to show that Im perfect, BUT im really really fallible.
I also feel really lonely. sometimes. how Lord? i wish i can be the life. the show. the party. but im not. im just someone who dunno who he is. sometimes a church mouse, sometimes a crazy fella who just curse n swear and throw his tantrum whenever he wants to.
Expectations can be so high. MY expectations. perhaps that's why im so so disappointed. hahaha
wonder when ill really find out who i really should be, and who i can be so as to be really happy.
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